she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
