Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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