I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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