He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
