I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
