i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
