im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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