So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
