The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
