You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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