totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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