And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
