you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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