HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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