Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
