3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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