At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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