he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ttyl tear gas
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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