if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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