Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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