He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
