I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
