I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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