i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
