This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
