is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your penis caused this!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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