You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
