No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
