i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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