he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
