3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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