OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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