Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
birth control should be required to get into college
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
