my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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