Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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