Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it hurts more in the daytime
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
