I think I am morally bankrupt
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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