one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
