everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
