I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
