i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
