I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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