he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
