She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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