My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
