dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
