And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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