two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
