I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
