i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize