wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
