Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
