i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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