is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
