I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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