There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
