Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
