Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
