I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think i got beer on your cat.
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