I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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