So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
