I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
