Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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