I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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