the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
