So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
