either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
