it wasn't lemon gatorade
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
