went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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