I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
