drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
