I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
