you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
