I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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