Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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