And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
