She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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